The funniest person I know claims he saw his tombstone in a dream:
“Here lies RR. He kept his options open.”

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“He flung himself from the room, flung himself upon his horse, and rode madly off in all directions.” 
- Stephen Leacock, McGill economist and humorist.

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“A long-range weather forecast should be obtained before leaving, as weather conditions are extremely unpredictable.”
- Natal Daily News, June 16, 1982.

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“I wish to thank my parents for having made this possible, and my children for having made it necessary.”
- Victor Borge, pianist comedian, in performance.

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Lord Robertson, head of NATO, on concerns about the use of uranium tipped shells by its force: “I would not agree to the use of the munitions if I believed they were a hazard.”
- Washington Post, 10 January 2001.

Some quotes from one of the funniest books ever written,
The Devil’s Dictionary, by Ambrose Bierce, 1906

Corporation, n. : “An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.”

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Love, n. : “A temporary insanity curable by marriage….”

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Egotist, n. “A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.”

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Elector, n. “One who enjoys the sacred privilege of voting for the man of another man’s choice.”

Some humorous quotes about education

"The meaning of this degree is that the recipient of instruction is examined for the last time in his life, and is pronounced completely full. After this, no new ideas can be imparted to him.”
- Stephen Leacock on the Ph.D.

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“This is the course in advanced physics. That means the instructor finds the subject confusing. If he didn’t, the course would be called elementary physics.”
- Luis Alvarez, Nobel Laureate.

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"When the professor says 'Good Morning', the bachelors students ask if it will be on the exam. The MBAs say it is not like that in the real world. And the Ph.D.s write it down."
- Anonymous

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"Poor daddy; he works the hardest. [What do you mean?] He has to write all day. It's trickier than being a nurse."

- daughter Lisa, at 6, learning how to write.

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"Dear Mom and Dad
I’ve dropped out of school. Bob and I have moved to Alaska. His penal officer has found him a job, and we live above the gas station where he pumps gas. The doctor says my pregnancy is coming along as well as can be expected.
Love,
Jane
P.S. There’s no Bob, I’m not pregnant, and I didn’t drop out of school. But I got a D in chemistry. I just wanted you to read this with the right perspective.”

(Not sure where I found this. If you know, please advise.)

Finally…

Question: What is the definition of a Canadian?
Answer: Someone who carries moderation to an extreme.

(Not sure where I found this one too. If you know, please advise.)

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